152] – [Trauma, Lost in Confusion]

Ivan did his best to explain what happened.

"Elder Rong, Elder Pha… he was struck with a tribulation on par with yours… With what you experienced, I am sure you know what unfolded…"

"Yes…" It appeared like Elder Rong was at a loss mentally. He gave short, empty answers. Elder Pha was not even in the Calamity Enduring Realm's second stage, so how could he survive this lightning? Elder Rong understood this very well. However, this did not diminish the grief one bit.

Hearing the departure of many peak figures of the sect world, returning to their sects, Elder Rong sat down with a head hung low.

"Leave me alone for a moment." Nervously sweating, not only Ivan, but all members of the Lured Cloud Sect left. It was Elder Rong's territory after all.

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A few months passing by, Elder Rong's abode had been rebuilt by the sect, while he himself was still gloomy. His face was paler than before, yet his eyes seemed to have regained a long lost vigor.

The same could not be said about the sect itself. The tragic loss of Elder Pha meant the loss of the sect's most proficient array master. For a sect this big, it was not the end of the world, but would still push them down even further into the ranking's abyss. Elder Pha's disciples were quick witted on the other hand, so this came as a plus.

Elder Rong was now waiting near a black coffin. And soon, Alexander slowly opened his eyes.

Quite expectant, especially when the cure for his disciple came at such a price, he was soon deflated from the sight. Alexander appeared lost. His eyes foggy and his personality having regressed.

'Ha~'

"How are you feeling?" A simple question, yet a true hurdle for the one needing to answer.

'This is bad…' A dark face was now looking at a strange one. Alexander heard him, and even attempted to respond. But he would only move erratically, flailing his arms around, while also making strange noises.

'That's enough!' Shaking his head with heavy eyes, Elder Rong closed in on him, putting his hand on his head.

Peering into his mind, Elder Rong forcefully broke in.

His avatar appearing, he made sure to avoid any rash movement. It was probable that a slight mistake would forever dissipate any chances left for recovery.

Looking around, he met with, not one, but two people. Both were Alexander, one clearly younger than the other.

'Lost in confusion, two mind avatars, one like a child while the other is completely unresponsive. The mind feels somewhat stable, and recovery might be feasible. Just that…'

Pity in his eyes, as if looking at a malnourished infant, Elder Rong saw the young Alexander play around with wandering pieces of silver light.

'It might take a while.'

Leaving, he had no choice but to wait.

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A decade later, Alexander was resting in a chair near the pillars, overlooking the view outside. The sunlight caressed his face, bouts of wind gently hugging his figure. Next to him, Mary, the disciple of Sophia, served him some spiritual liquid.

"Alexander, it's time for your daily medicine!" Happily playing with a child stuck in an adult's body, she turned around, sensing something. There she saw Elder Rong. It was the first time he visited in the last five years. Since then, Alexander's mind made progress, but was still left behind.

'…' Elder Rong looked on with pity once again.

'What a waste… how could this be?'

'A Supreme Candidate… reduced to… this…' Massaging his glabella, he departed.

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"What's with him seriously? You can't make people recover with such an attitude!" Scolding the elder with a pout, Mary took the role of a caring nurse or maybe elder sister.

During her time with him, she saw his knowledge grow exponentially. His maturity was also showing good signs. But whenever she hoped to spark a fire in him, she only saw indifference.

His foggy eyes were the same, sometimes glowing with faint enlightenment.

As of now, no dispositions were made in case of his body moving too much. Even with the abode's robust materials and ingenious design, if a second stage Law Immortal Realm expert decided to wreak havoc, it would not last for too long.

Done with forcing him to drink the medicine, she also left the room.

Left all alone, Alexander still looked at the sunny land outside, the falling side of a mountain. Docile beasts were either playing, hunting or just eating. He looked empty.

After another decade, his face changed. The usually hollow gaze turned into one of loneliness. This did not change for a long lasting century. At this point, his loneliness only amplified, now constantly showing a hurt face.

Memories slowly materialized before him. They came, forcing him to endure them, before disappearing into his mind, hidden from all.

His changes were noticed by Mary, but she could not do anything more. Even her master, Sophia, only gave a defeated look at her inquiries. The medicine, Mind Nirvana Elixir, was already the best they could get. Elder Rong even paid in full, giving signs of putting hopes on Alexander instead of anger.

It almost felt like an atonement.

A series of scenes invading his mind a few centuries later, Alexander's face contorted in pain and grief. A golden axe of splendid glimmers, a long lost forgotten martial art, a dungeon full of traps, even a battlefield flooded in red, the smell of iron and the putridity of rotten flesh overwhelming his nose.

Through the next thousands of years, Alexander would see his past in clear view. Some memories were boring, others entertaining. Some, painful.

A loving wife cleaved in half by a rampaging prince. Thousands of blades pointed at his chest. A castle floating in the sky, endless waterfalls. A collapsed castle, waterfalls of blood.

A group of friends, slaughtered by his own hands for stealing his pill.

The more appeared, the more he changed. Sometimes, tears would trickles down his cheeks, other times he would contort in wrath. A few times, he looked bored. Another, he cried again.

By that point, unbeknown to him still lost in the river of time, his vision had turned blurry.

And, after seven thousand years, his expression turned indifferent. He was like a child having closed himself from the harshness outside. By that point, the new servants giving him medicine only saw a statue of a man. He never responded anymore, and even trying to force feed him medicine did not work.

The glow in his eyes escaped the fog, left in darkness. All of his memories ended in blood. Massacres became common, extermination of races nonchalant.

He overturned worlds, galaxies and even bigger places. Ascensions came to him like chores almost. They used to be fun for him, but after some time, he felt a strange emptiness in himself. Anything he did became a chore.

He worked himself to death, breaking through again and again, but with no real substance. It was an addiction he desperately needed, his only source of pleasure and enjoyment. The less he had, the worst he felt.

He then remembered his time in the Celestial Realm, then in Limbo.

The Inner Territory, the Outer Territory, and finally the Core Territory.

His Heart Demon. Was it truly a demon attempting to rob him of his senses or even his life? Was a Heart Demon truly such a bad thing? Or did it just show the weakness he had? A teacher perhaps…

A Heart Demon was only seen as a parasite. But was said parasite only amounting to so little? After all, was it not a part of him? A fragment, a shard of his steeled heart?

What about his life until then? Was the Heart Demon wrong? He was now stuck.

His heart felt fulfilled with breakthroughs, his might ever surging. He felt like a volcano, attempting to burst the Heavens. His dedication was endless, his dreams both incredible and hollow.

Supreme One? Did he need it? Maybe he needed something else, and being such an entity would ensure it?

Unknown. Once again.

The fog was lifted, but it was only so for his eyes, not his heart.

Filling a hole of darkness with a light. But where was it? His ambition, he felt it. He hated it.

Weakness was a sin. He did not need it. He only wanted strength. He only desired dominance. Yet he also needed care. Stranded on a lonely boat amidst the stormy sea and rolling waves. A draft unable to endure much more.

And when it would break, he would only be able to swim. Maybe he would drown.

The light he missed, the darkness he was filled with.

Cultivation and love. He could have one, but not the other. The question he asked himself was straightforward.

How much could he delay it?

How much time would he be able to gain before his heart crumbled? His speed of cultivation was not amazing, it was not slow either. It was somewhat average.

Should he find ways to go faster? To devour the talents of others? To use unorthodox ways? He still had so much to do, but his flame was already on the verge of extinguishing.

So many feelings he lost that would only surge more. They would only erupt faster.

Uncontrollably, without reigns.

The throne, the glory, the feelings of superiority. The sadness of loneliness, the urge to flee from his heart. Did he need it? A heart. Was it truly necessary?

Should he ignore his pain? Should he leave it behind?

Would this grant him peace?

Would this extinguish his suffering?!

Smashing the armrest, Alexander's eyes blinded the room. His emotions began to beat like a heart, faster and faster. His mind tried to remove them, banish them.

His duality was only confronting itself! His mind would only ache, his heart would only plead!

Even with gritted teeth, tensed muscles and a powerful cultivation. Even with the powers of mythical gods, divine beings.

He could not escape!

A Heart Demon he became! An endless loop he could not free himself from!

A black aura tainting his supremacy!

Clutching his head, the roar of a king left without a kingdom!

A confusion never ending.

Lost in eternal darkness. Searching for the exit.

Craving for the light.